father’s day

with a playlist for my own father ∞

Not big on men at the moment (or ever) but today warranted a special exception to acknowledge the men that are fathers, especially my own. The best way I know to do this is through music, so I'll be explaining some hyper specific lyrics I associate with my dad and why. While I usually choose not to make such painfully short playlists, the one linked above will have to be another exception. 

When your soul embarks

Then I'II follow you into the dark

‘I Will Follow You into the Dark’, Death Cab for Cutie

I will die your daughter

I will, I will

‘Die Your Daughter’, Susannah Joffe

But if the silence takes you, then I hope it takes me too

So, Brown Eyes, I'lI hold you near

‘Soul Meets Body’, Death Cab For Cutie

Remember seeing my dad cry

For the first time, we were downstairs

Talkin' bout how his dad died

‘I Wish’, Reneé Rapp

The above lyrics are all death related because I quite literally cannot imagine living without my father. The last two are incredibly specific because my dad called me brown eyes when I was a kid and because I lived through the last one. The rest of the songs in the playlist are less lyrically descriptive & more so just remind me of my dad.

I think my dad has, without realising it, taught me a lot about who I am and who I want to be. We have different ideas on what's socially acceptable (eg. he hates my piercings & future tattoos) but I pursue my own beliefs and opinions because he's taught me to do that, even if they don't align with his own and even if he doesn't like it. He's taught me by example, by building a successful business from nothing, maintaining a childhood friendship through life & continuously working for the future. I admire him because I think it takes unimaginable strength and bravery to make your own way in life the way he has. I can only hope to have half the drive and determination he does. He's also taught me I can be whoever I want - he's never avoided ‘feminine’ clothing or behaviour like crying. He's gentle and kind and never mean or loud. Ironically seeing my dad vulnerable has only made me stronger. I'm proud to claim him as my father. Most of the things I love about myself come from him and the ones I hate also come from him which makes me hate them a lot less. In lieu of this sentiment I’ll end this post with a relevant quote I found:

“You are a reflection of your father,” she was told. And she smiled the whole day like a baby.

  -Rahul Kaushik